Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

Saturday, December 20, 2008

"What's That Salty Looking Stuff?"

I have often wondered when the entertaining conversations with my children would stop. Well, I am pretty sure the answer to that question is NEVER!

The kids were playing camping. To set up the scene, they were all on the bottom bunk with a blanket hanging over from the top bunk, all the lights off, and handy dandy flashlights in their hands. All seemed well and good until all three came out to ask about a bump found in Ethan's belly button. I closely examined it and then reassure them it was merely a mole (skin tag). Of course I did start to wonder how they found this thing while "camping". The three of them explained that they had been playing doctor and discovered during an examination. Okay, okay. They all have their clothes on so I see no harm in the situation.

Awhile later, Steven asked me what the slimy green stuff was in Ethan's nose.

Mom: Well honey, he has a little bit of a cold. that is snot.

Steven: Oh that is gross.

Mom: Yes, yes it is pretty dang gross.

Steven: What is the salty looking stuff on his butt?

Mom: What? Uh?

Steven: On his butt hole. He has some white stuff that looks salty. Like salt.

Okay, at this point I have realized that the game of doctor progressed waaaaaaaaaaaaaay further then I expected. Holy Shit!!! What the hell are they doing looking at Ethan's butt hole?

Mom: What the hell are you doing looking at Ethan's butt hole?

Steven: He took his pants off and said look at my butt hole.

Mom: well, the white stuff is probably leftovers from toilet paper and no one should be looking at anyones' butt hole. It is NOT okay to play ANY games that require you to take off your clothes.

I mean strip poker and hide the sausage, but that is when they are way older and they had better never play those games in my house. I pray I got my point across. Dear god, can't you just see them in there with the flashlights examining the kid's asshole. Good friggin' grief!!!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Christmas Shopping With the Lil' Ones

We were shopping at Lowes today. The best place in the world to buy presents for Big Daddy. Ethan and Emily were like flies on shit finding presents for Dad, Steven....not so much. He proceeded to tell me all the stores we would have to shop at until he found just the right gift for Dad. Emily suggested a ceiling fan, which of course was unacceptable. "We already have plenty of those!!!" Steven replied. After I turned down the PS3, at the fourth store, he finally settled on.........well, I can't tell you. Clint does read the stupid shit I write on here sometimes.

Oh a little p.s.
Ethan bought Grandma Claire a snowman that poops candy. When Emily explained that Grandma Claire was too old for the Hannah montana makeup he originally picked out, he moved on to the pooping candy snowman. That kid would not be swayed. Hope she likes it. HEHEHEHE

Labels: christmas, Clint, Emily, ethan, lowes, poop, steven

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

What's That Guy's name?

We are busy putting up Christmas lights when Steven comes to ask us a few questions. The conversation went like this:

Steven "Uh what's that guy's name? You know God's son..."

Me "You mean Jesus?"

Steven "Ya, him. Is he a zombie?"

Me "Excuse me?"

Steven "Well, he died and then came back, so is he a zombie?"

Me "No, no Jesus is not a zombie"

I am wondering if this is a sign to either get them immediately into bible school or NEVER put them in bible school.

Labels: jesus, out of the mouths of babes, stein, steven

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Prepare to Pee

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Friday, September 12, 2008

Here They Are

Please people, no comments on the fancy linoleum that we have in our house. It's a rental already. Just pay attention to those heels. I love them. Hubba Hubba Hubba!!!!

Oh and P.S. I think we will go remarkably unaffected by IKE, but those poor people down at the coast and good grief even in Louisiana. They are all in our prayers.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Too Hot

I just got these new heels and man o man they are hot. I need to take a picture and post them. I am now just looking for the occasion to wear them. Maybe tomorrow when I am getting al the laundry done and the kitchen mopped. Oh man, I could have worn them today at the grocery store. They are are HOT I tell you.

Labels: High Heels, New shows

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

No camping for the Steins...THANKS IKE

So, Ike is heading this way and has pretty much screwed us out of a camping trip this weekend. You know IKE is going to be a son of a bitch, I mean wasn't it IKE TURNER who beat the hell out of MS. TINA TURNER?
I think there is a chance we may be camping at home. They are predicting 50 mph winds here in San Antonio and the possibility of no power for the weekend. What? You mean I will not have a TV to babysit my children. Well, shit.

Of course Clint will probably have to work the entire time because apparently the railroad has a lot of shit to fix when a hurricane comes barreling through breaking crossings and other equipment. So, me the kids and no TV? OH SHIT!!!!! I AM FREAKING OUT!!!! I LOVE TV!!!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

It has been a month

I am so bad about my blog now that I have a MYSPACE. What a naughty little imp.

I woke up this morning with the most horrible pain in my back. I never have really had severe back pain before and this is really awful. It feels like someone shortened the muscles in my back and if I could just shorten myself, it would not hurt anymore. Clint says that is a pulled muscle. DAMMIT!!!

We are into our second week of school here at home and the kids are just sucking in everything I throw at them I swear it is an amazing thing to see them learn things right in front of you. I enjoy when that sparkle of recognition passes through their eyes as they wrap their minds around new concepts. It really brings me so much joy.

We are supposed to head out for a camping trip this weekend with the in-laws. Of course we are watching IKE with baited breath, completely unsure how it will affect our plans. (Did I use the right one there? Or is it effect? Shit I can not remember the rule.)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Fabulous Weekend

I had the most wonderful weekend. Clint and I did a little home organizing on Saturday and then a bunch of pool time. Then yesterday...nothing baby!!! I lounged in the pool, did some word finds and read.

Home Organizing:
We have zero pantry space. I need to see my food and I need it to be easily accessible and very well organized. We bought a cheapo pantry awhile back and had it in the garage. The problem with that is we live in Texas and the garage gets ridiculously hot so I decided to move it into the "eat in" kitchen area. Of course our eat in kitchen is so friggin' small, there was no way we were going to put a table and chairs there, so we originally had a little antique craftsman desk there. Out went the desk, in came the pantry. Then we decided we might need a few small bookcases to sit under the window for more storage. While at Lowes, we found these white cabinets. Well, white cabinets did not match the brown pantry so we then HAD to buy a new white pantry. So now, the eat in kitchen is a pantry and it is F A B U L O U S!!! Maybe a little white trash, but uhm well....if the shoe fits.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Should Not Be on the Computer

I really should not have even opened this laptop. It has a tendency to suck me in. I have a shit ton of stuff I want to get done today.

Attach flowers to Emily's curtain
Put collector stuff on Emily's shelf
Go to store
Workout
Swim with the kids
Put away two weeks of laundry
Finish school shopping for my niece and nephew
Shop for an area rug for Emily's room
Clean the kitchen

1, 2, 7 and 9 are done.

I wonder what the chances are that I will actually complete the other stuff. I was chatting with Rhianna last night and she asked me if I knew what the kids were going to be for Halloween. Are you kidding me girl? She already has patterns and material. I hate her. So, I guess I need to add that to my list of stuff to do. I want to just order 5 mullet wigs and have the entire family dress up as some good old fashioned 1980s white trash. You know with the bubba teeth and all.

Labels: busy, chores, Halloween, Mullet, Rhianna, White Trash