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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Return

I have begun to gather my thoughts and put them into mini posts. It was then that I decided that this blog was often the best therapy possible for the trials and tribulations of everyday life. It is of course a way to also preserve for posterity the strange and delightful things that my children say. Back soon.

 

Friday, May 27, 2011

Penis juice and vodka

We have one more week of school here, yet my children have already disconnected the brain switch. I hate to tell them but we will home school throughout the summer. Luckily for them we can get our work done in less then two hours with only three kids and of course the fact that I sneak projects in throughout our everyday activities.

Ethan decided he is exempt from the school dress ode because school is almost out and the daughter has jumped on that band wagon. I decided to let it slide. I figure a cute little t-shirt isn't going to ruin any one's grades, they were all turned in on the 24Th, so we will see if I get a call from the school.

So today's little golden nugget of delight is brought to you by Ethan.

Mom:Ethan, quit messing with your business. Go to your room if you want to do that.

Ethan: I am not messing with it, it hurts. It feels like I am going to bleed when I pee.

Mom: Oh honey, I am sorry but you will have to go to your Dad. He is in charge of penises. I handle vaginas.

Later Clint and I figure out the kid might have the beginning of a urinary tract infection so we loaded hm up with cranberry juice and extra fruits, veggies, and vitamin C. It seemed to have worked.

Aunt Kimberly: Ethan, you like to drink cranberry juice?

Ethan: UNH?

Aunt Kimberly: You are drinking cranberry juice. Do you like it?

Ethan: It is my penis juice.

That makes my day better. I may just go have a penis juice and vodka to celebrate Friday. HAHAHAHAHAHA That sounds all kinds of wrong.

 

Sunday, April 03, 2011

And I thought I should Change the Title of My Blog

I was considering a new layout, a new title, well just an overall new feel to my blog. I mean some things have changed since I first started recording my thoughts and feelings of the going ons in my everyday life.

Well, I am no longer taking Paxil and well, crap.....I think that is it. I thought the poop was really no longer an issue as well until this week.

Someone decided that an oopsie poopsie was not something they might share with their mother. You know the lady who does the laundry. I was blessed with the joy, upon removing clean clothes form the laundry, an overwhelming smell of shit. Yep, SHIT!!!! I had almost all the clothes in the dryer and noticed a wad, a ball, a massive roll of poop.

Apparently someone had pooped enough in their underwear and then just snuck it into the dirty laundry. GROSS!!!! I mean really?!?!?!? You don't think you might have at least given me a heads up so that I could pre-clean the undies. Man, boys are so gross!

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Monday, March 28, 2011

The Verdict is In

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all.” While growing up, I had a bit of knack and flare for the dramatics. I often feigned illness to keep from having to do things I did not want to do or to merely miss school because I did not feel like going. My mother quickly caught on to my game and after a bought of “asthma” Mom rushed me to the ER because I was certain I could not breath and was going to die. On the way to the hospital my mother threatened me with near death beatings should by some chance the doctor not find something wrong with me. Well, low and behold, there was nothing wrong with me. Thankfully, my darling mother chose to not follow through this time with what I was sure was going to be one of the worst beatings of all time. I do not remember to this day if I was ever punished but the fear still remains.
On the way to taking little miss Emily to the doctor; I too began the Mommy rant. She was suddenly unable to hear us, but only part of the time, she was not running a fever, and she seemed perfectly capable of playing with her siblings. So, the threats began. I did not threaten her with beatings but I did tell her she better damn well hope the doctor found something wrong with her or she would spend the next week on restriction from anything and everything other than her books. Those would be her only companions and her only means of entertainment. Well, damn I ended up with egg on my face.
The doctor looked in the first ear and seemed to be taken aback a bit and explained how Emily’s ear was bulging and was full of pus. This of course wasn’t even the ear that she complained had been hurting. Oh shit. I am about to have to eat my words and apologize to my eight year old for not believing her. The doctor checked the other ear and it was more of the same, maybe worse. When the doctor left the room to get a prescription for Emily, my darling daughter turned to me and said “I am so glad I have ear infections, now I won’t be on restriction”. Hmmmmmmmm, I am not certain, but I feel pretty confident that was an extremely low day in my parenting.
Needless to say, the girl child is not on restriction and she has been on antibiotics for several days now and is doing much better.

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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Oh Those Chickens

When I was a young girl, I was always suffering from some "ailment". I am pretty sure it was for attention. Of course the attention was often a spanking for being such a giant pain in the ass and after a trip to the doctor, the diagnosis was an attention whore.

Well I'll be damned, my chickens are coming home to roost. They are coming home, pecking me in my ass, and then shitting on my head.

Emily has a doctors appointment thia morning because she is certain that she cannot hear. I believe that her eras are clogged, but not that she is permantly going deaf.

Dear god help me if she is because that will mean I actually have to get up off my ass wen I need her for something and can not just yell for her. UGH!!! This could be problematic either way.

If my Mom were still alive, I am certain she would be attending all htese appointments with me just for the sheer joy of pointing and laughing at me. I mean really, if it wasn;t happening to me, I too would be pointing and laughing.

Some things are just so much funnier when they happen to other people.

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Monday, March 21, 2011

For Real?!?!?!

So, I am chatting away with my cousin and Ethan decides he is going to interrupt. I pull out the Mom finger which he knows means "you are being a rude ass, wait until I am done talking". He follows the law of the Mom finger and stands there waiting for me to finish pontificating.

When I finally finish, I turn to my youngest son, my baby, my little love man, my bubby and the little turd looks at me completely exasperated and says "Well, you talk so much I forgot what I was going to say!"

Ahhhhhhh, out of the mouths of babes...smart ass babes, babes who need to be banished to the land of "No making fun of Mommy, even if you do not realize you are".

 

Loving the Internet

So I am in love with my Facebook, which may be one of the reasons I have a hard time keeping up with my blog anymore. Well anyways, there is some ladies I found on Facebook, Frugal Girls, They also have their own website that I think everyone who shops, breaths, or lives....uhm pretty much everyone should bookmark. It does have mostly things for the ladies, but there is dude stuff too. AWESOME!!!!

So these Frugal Girls turned me onto another really great website that I want to recommend and I am not a big recommender. It is called Vocalpoint. Check it out.

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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I Didn't Mean to Drop the F@#k Bomb

Oh what a weekend. Steven managed to break his DS that he received for Christmas. What is that, less than two months? Are you kidding me? He was mad at the game and pretty much beat the screen with the stylus. He then tried to lie and say he dropped. Lucky for me his Daddy is video game savvy. I would have fallen for his sob story hook line a sinker.

I did tell him that we were not buying him a new one. He would have to save his money. Of course the water works started again. His sweet brother and sister offered up all their saved money to help him buy a new one. He immediately started adding up the dough. No thank you to his siblings. I told him how nice it was of them and he should thank them. He did but it was so not a genuine thanks you. I could feel my blood boiling.

He then admitted he would not do the same for them. STRIKE TWO...butt head!!!

Oh and then later I he had a fit because Emily and Ethan had games to play and he didn't.

OH HELL NO!!!!

So out it came. I had no control. There was a complete disconnect when I yelled "What the F#$K are you thinking? You are acting like a F$%KING brat. I mean really!!!!! What the F$%K?!?!?!?!

Of course after that I felt horrible. I cried, certain he was going to be scarred for life. How much was this F bomb slip going to cost me later in therapy bills? Well I think he got the message. He apologized later to me for being "ungrateful" and spent the rest of the evening acting extra nice to his siblings.

So to you F word, I say DAMN YOU. Damn you F word for coming out without my permission and damn you for never leaving my vocabulary after the kiddos were born. Will you ever find a new home?

Doubt it?!?!?! I know, me too!!!!

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Tuesday, February 08, 2011

A Lump in Her Throat

Really?!?!?! You have got to be kidding me. My three hundred dollar, shelter cat who is still having to go for monthly vet visits has a knot in her throat. Man, I love this cat but how much more does she have to go through? Now she won't eat and there is a damn knot in her neck. UGH!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to love my kitty, Dammit.

 

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Stuck Poop

One of my nephews recently had a serious scare after we found out that at the age of 15 he had spent the majority of his life only pooping once or twice a week. He got very sick and has to completely change much of his eating habits. This of course freaked me out, so I have spent the last few weeks grilling my kids about their poop. HAHAHAHAHA I bet they are loving it. Of course every time they come out of the bathroom I have been asking "did you poop". I just want to know to be sure that all this fruit I shove down their throats is really working. Well, yesterday I asked Ethan " Did you poop?" He responded honestly "yes, but there is a piece stuck in my butt." It took all I had not to laugh because then he will never tell me anything again for fear I might make fun of him. Man, being a parent is hard. You cant just laugh at these little monkeys all the time because they have feelings and stuff.

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The Chapter Stories of Drama

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The Return
Penis juice and vodka
And I thought I should Change the Title of My Blog...
The Verdict is In
Oh Those Chickens
For Real?!?!?!
Loving the Internet
I Didn't Mean to Drop the F@#k Bomb
A Lump in Her Throat
Stuck Poop


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