Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Eureka!!!

I spent all Saturday and Sunday sifting through poop looking for a watch battery. Thank God for apple juice and Cheerios. Made my job a hell of a lot easier sifting through soft poop, versus the deer pellets the girl usually produces. I call that a successful weekend.

Today was dentist day and the twins are still cavity free and now have the sealants on their side. Whoohoo. I love me some sealants. Those sealants protected my mouth from cavities for many mnay years.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

I love going to the emergency room

Obviously that is full of sarcasm! Last night, Clint and I spent the evening in the ER with Emily the new found battery swallower. Yes, I do realize she is six and yes I do realize that I also just had to take Ethan to an ENT to have a pebble removed from his ear. Sometimes I wonder if going off that Paxil a few years back was a good idea.

Emily swallowed a watch battery after which Clint called the Poison Control Center and I called quickly began my internet search. We both came to the same conclusion. We needed to get Emily an x-ray and we need to do it quickly. The kids all loaded up and the boys are lucky enough to have a fabulous Nana and Grandad that kept them while we sat for a few hours at the ER. After a few x-rays, we discovered the battery was already in the stomach so all we could do is wait for it to pass. The doctors want us to go back up today for another x-ray to see where the battery is, but in the meantime, I am on poop duty. I was pretty sure once they all had learned to wipe their own asses I would no longer have to deal with shit. Boy, was I wrong. Off to poop duty I go.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Teaching the kids about an honest dollar

Our little people earn one dollar every Friday if they have met certain criteria.

All smiley faces in folder from school
Done chores during the week
Have behaved at home all week

I realize that they are only 6 (the twins) and 5, but I think if we start teaching them the importance of responsibility and the value of money at an early age, we will be laying a firm foundation for them in the future.

Well, they have been saving their money and today was the day to spend it. The boys pulled their money in an effort to save enough to buy a video game at Gamestop. They actually spent the last ten weeks saving and managed to save over 24 dollars from their allowance, tooth money, and extra earnings. This allowed them to buy two video games and pay the tax. They are some badass lil savers unh?

Emily started off pulling with the boys and then decided she was not interested in video games, she wanted a barbie. After shopping at wal-mart, she ended up with a littlest pet shop stuffed animal (more on that piece of shit deal in a sec) that after tax was a bit out of her price range. In order to still get her doll, she had to do some extra work when she got home. She came home and got a shopping bag and pulled weeds from the rocks in front of the house. She is such a hard worker. I really am so proud.

Okay, so Emily gets this littlest pet shop doll because it is supposed to come with a code so you can go to http://www.lpso.com/ and play. Well when we get home and log on to the website, the mother friggin' bleepity bleeps require a PAID bleepity bleep bleep subscription that can be in the price range og 6 bucks a month to 60 bucks a year. Friggin' jerk ass mother bleepity bleeps. She is now crying and all kinds of broken friggin' hearted because these dumb ass bleepity bleeps cannot be content with the money they make off of the mass amount of toy sales, they have to charge to play at the website as well. I am so mad and sad for her. I bought another doll to give to her at Christmas and guess what.....I AM TAKING THAT SHIT BACK. I also plan to discourage her in the future from spending anymore money on that brand of stuff. I will try to get her to focus her attention on other things. That is such a huge pile of BULLSHIT!!!!!!!

Well, they bought their stuff and then when we got home they had to give Mom the money that was on the receipt out of their money jars; $24.88 and $10.43. This way they understand the fact that these things cost money and that money requires both time and hard work. After they give me their money I actually deposit it into their savings accounts. I think when they get older and realize all of their allowance actually went into the bank and they have learned the lesson of saving to buy something they want and working hard to earn that money....all of our hard work will pay off in raising children with mature, responsible money skills.

Labels: Bullshitl, Emily, jerks, Littlest Pet Shop, www.lpso.com

Thursday, October 29, 2009

"Is the doctor handsome?"

After Ethan's pediatrician discovered something in his ear and was unable to get it out, we were on our way to a pediatric ent. The conversation with Ethan on the way made that copay worth its weight in gold.

Ethan "Is the doctor handsome?"

Mom " I don't know. I have not met this doctor yet"

Ethan "Well, I really only like people that are pretty and handsome."

Man, what a jerk.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I think we found it!

We put in an offer yesterday on a house and holoy shit they accepted our first offer. The house pretty much has everything we wanted in a house. Uhm yep, I can hardley believe it.

Isn't it so cute. I now feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Of course, with that good news, came the news that Ethan has strep throat and has to miss two more days of school. Good Grief! Poor baby!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

House Hunting has Lost Its Luster

This house hunting thing was fun last month and well now this month it is not fun anymore. I pretty much just want to buy a house and move just to get this process over with. We have looked at nearly 60 houses and have searched through hundreds and hundreds on the internet. I need a full time assitant to just find me houses, know my criteria, and well just get to hunting ALL over the city. What is my criteria? Well............
1. An expensive neighborhood that I can not afford
2. A hous ethat I can afford
4. A big backyard for the kids
5. A nice covered deck or back patio big enough for my adorable outdoor livingroom set
6. 3 or 4 bedrooms, prefer 4 but 3 with a loft will do
7. A large pantry
8. A formal dining room and an eat in kitchen
9. A kitchen big enough for Clint to get some serious cooking on
10. An island with a bar
11. A linen closet that could actually hold ALL my linens
12. A two car garage (oh with a garge door opener)
13. A utility room
14. Oh, did I mention for a reasonable price and in a GREAT neighborhood?

I really do not think I am asking too much and would like to go ahead and find the right one, have the offer accepted, pass inspection, and close all before the end of November!!!!!

Okay NOW!!!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Is it just Boys?

I am doing my rounds, waking up the children at friggin' o'dark thirty in the morning. Emily, my normal little ray of sunshine wakes up well to kisses, Ethan is confused and weird as always and Steven...."STEVEN?!?!?! STTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEN?!?! HOLY SHIT, WHERE IS STEVEN? WHERE IS MY BABY?!?!?!"

I small giggle form the kitchen...the little bastard crawled on the floor behind me while I was waking his brother. FOR REAL?!?!?!? I mean does this constitute cause for an ass beating? I was so freaked out. I just knew some religious fanatic had crwled into his window and stolen him to take away and sacrifice (what? So I have a bit of an active imagination....whatever?!?!?!?!)

I guess all I can say is "Well played son, well played"

Labels: ass beating, Funny, kids, morning, scared, spanking, steven

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I am BACK

I am pretty sure I have lost all the follwong my little blog once had, but I am here to start writing again. I am in need of somesort of outlet and well, let's be honest...facebook and myspace just really let me be super nosey but do notlet me bitch and complain. Oh an where else can I tell all the stories about my weird children. So, starting today I will be posting daily maybe even sometime multiple times a day. Whoohoo. Lucky lucky friggin blog world.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

"What's That Salty Looking Stuff?"

I have often wondered when the entertaining conversations with my children would stop. Well, I am pretty sure the answer to that question is NEVER!

The kids were playing camping. To set up the scene, they were all on the bottom bunk with a blanket hanging over from the top bunk, all the lights off, and handy dandy flashlights in their hands. All seemed well and good until all three came out to ask about a bump found in Ethan's belly button. I closely examined it and then reassure them it was merely a mole (skin tag). Of course I did start to wonder how they found this thing while "camping". The three of them explained that they had been playing doctor and discovered during an examination. Okay, okay. They all have their clothes on so I see no harm in the situation.

Awhile later, Steven asked me what the slimy green stuff was in Ethan's nose.

Mom: Well honey, he has a little bit of a cold. that is snot.

Steven: Oh that is gross.

Mom: Yes, yes it is pretty dang gross.

Steven: What is the salty looking stuff on his butt?

Mom: What? Uh?

Steven: On his butt hole. He has some white stuff that looks salty. Like salt.

Okay, at this point I have realized that the game of doctor progressed waaaaaaaaaaaaaay further then I expected. Holy Shit!!! What the hell are they doing looking at Ethan's butt hole?

Mom: What the hell are you doing looking at Ethan's butt hole?

Steven: He took his pants off and said look at my butt hole.

Mom: well, the white stuff is probably leftovers from toilet paper and no one should be looking at anyones' butt hole. It is NOT okay to play ANY games that require you to take off your clothes.

I mean strip poker and hide the sausage, but that is when they are way older and they had better never play those games in my house. I pray I got my point across. Dear god, can't you just see them in there with the flashlights examining the kid's asshole. Good friggin' grief!!!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Christmas Shopping With the Lil' Ones

We were shopping at Lowes today. The best place in the world to buy presents for Big Daddy. Ethan and Emily were like flies on shit finding presents for Dad, Steven....not so much. He proceeded to tell me all the stores we would have to shop at until he found just the right gift for Dad. Emily suggested a ceiling fan, which of course was unacceptable. "We already have plenty of those!!!" Steven replied. After I turned down the PS3, at the fourth store, he finally settled on.........well, I can't tell you. Clint does read the stupid shit I write on here sometimes.

Oh a little p.s.
Ethan bought Grandma Claire a snowman that poops candy. When Emily explained that Grandma Claire was too old for the Hannah montana makeup he originally picked out, he moved on to the pooping candy snowman. That kid would not be swayed. Hope she likes it. HEHEHEHE

Labels: christmas, Clint, Emily, ethan, lowes, poop, steven