Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

Monday, November 28, 2005

OH Christmas Tree

Clint got out the boxes, put up the tree and strung the lights. Amazingly, the kids did not touch. They got as close as they could, but they DID NOT touch.

We finished decorating, hung the stockings and cracked open the beer.

You know you love the snow man fence. Clint built that last year to keep Ethan off the tree. It works a little!!! He is a creative little fucker.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Happy FartsGiving

The day started off beautifully. I made a biscuit coffee cake and we all drank mamosas (I am pretty sure that is not the correct spelling).

We ate, we laughed, a good time was had by all. Then the Fartsgiving cloud fell upon the party. I am not sure what did it, but everyone had horrible gas. We would go outside to smoke and come back in to a house that literally smelled like a porta potty. Ethan finally got to the point to where he tried to escape through the broken screen.

unfortunately for the little guy, he was just a bit to short to get all the way out.

I hope your Thanksgiving was as successful as ours.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Way Back Wednesday

So, MamaDuck wants to see who in the family we are spending Thanksgiving with. Well, I will be with my husband and kids and some friends, so I thought I would show you who I wish I could spend Thanksgiving with. This is my Dad and my Grandad (Dad was only 8 months old). My Grandad died when I was in the eight grade. I miss him so much.

My 80 year old Grandmother. I miss her BAD!!!!!

My brothers and my parents. Of course my mom is dead so I wouldn't be able to spend Thanksgiving with her no matter what.

And just for good measure, another picture of my beautiful mother.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The Art of Using Curse Words

I know to some people, it may seem I use quite a bit of foul language on my blog, but to those who know me.........I keep it pretty damn clean. I am not sure why that is. I guess I worry that people might think I cuss and not like me. Well, to them I say Fuck you you Fucking Fucks!!!! You know there is a true art form to using curse words and using them well. My mother was the master. There are still some combinations that I have never heard anyone use sense my Mom. In honor of my mother, I would like to know what your favorite combination is. For those of you who don't drink, don't smoke....what do you do? (I totally stole that!!!!) You have to at least cuss. I know you homeschoolers are probably closet cussers. As are you church goers. Me? I have kicked the fucking cussing door open. Have a fucking great ass day you oozing dick sore. Okay, that may have been a bit harsh.

For those of you just passing through, I wanted to add that this post was meant in complete and utter jest.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

A Near Holy Day

I know I have explained before how poor we are, but let me tell you how I splurged this weekend. ( My darlings, Pat and Terry will be so proud of me.) The PX is havimg a ginormous tent sale and they have beer on sale for $3.99 a case. Yes, you read that right. $3.99 A CASE!!! HOLY APE SHIT BATMAN!!!! I know have 13 cases of beer stacked up in my house. At that price, I had to buy. It will really save us a lot of money in the long run. I have paxill and Clint has beer. We do whatever it takes to preserve our sanity. I would like to do both, but I am finding that alcohol and paxill do not mix well. I keep puking!!!! Dammit....What drugs do alcoholics take? That would look really good to go ask my doctor for. "uhm yeah, doc, I appreciate the medication, but I need something that will allow me to continue self medicating as well.....oh and could I get some xanax for the really rough days?". I wonder how that might go over?

Okay, I am getting off subject. The point is, I have beer stacked for days in my laundry room. What a beautiful site!!!!

Friday, November 18, 2005

Freaky Friday

So, I have gotten almost completely caught up. Let me tell you of my great accomplishments today. Do not read any further if you are concerned with suddenly being overwhelmed with a gross sense of jealousy.

I bathed the dog, cleaned the sugar glider cage, did 4 loads of laundry, cleaned the upstairs bathroom, cleaned the twins' room, cleaned Ethan's room, put on lipgloss and mascara, brushed my teeth, showered, cleaned the downstairs bathroom, the laundry room, the kitchen, smoked 6 cigarettes, fed the kids, cleaned kid urine off the carpet, spanked Ethan twice, cleaned my bedroom, ate half a container of pringles,called the groomer to make Tanner an appt., read and commented on some blogs....
Now, what do I still have to do?

Hand out 320 newsletters for our village, clean the living/dining room, two more loads of laundry, bake some cookies, go to the tent sale at the PX, list two more lots on EBAY......

I wonder how much of that I will actually get done.

To those of you who are sad and depressed about the end of SPF, I have some extra Paxil I am willing to share for a very small fee. If any one is DEA, I am totaling kidding. Besides, I think housewives prefer ADD medication and Xanax. I know I would give away a kid to get my hands on some Xanax. Talk about some relaxation.

Alright, off to do some more shit.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Thirteen on Thursday

I am going to play a little Thirteen on Thursday. Yes, it is still Thursday.

1. I just got a friggin' papercut and it hurts like a bitch. I can not believe I have given birth to three children and I am bitchin' about a papercut.

2. I can not seem to get caught up with the house, with the e-bay, with my blog......I feel so far behind.

3. I have decided to discontinue Self Portrait Friday. If someone else would like to host it great, if not...... no loss!

4. My good friend/neighbor is fixin' to leave for Iraq and I hate that.

5. Steven's poop is almost white. What the hell is that about? I find it a bit disturbing, especially sense I have to wipe his ass. Well, if I don't, his underwear gets pretty funky.

6. Emily and Steven went to see their first movie with their Daddy. He took them to see Chicken Little and were both amazed at the size of the "t.v.".

7. I missed all kinds of birthdays. I am telling you, I can not get caught back up. What the hell is wrong with me. Oh yeah.....I have three friggin' children. Maybe tomorrow will be the catch up day.

8. Tanner (my cocker) has a tumor. I am totaling freaked out. The vet did a needle biopsy (which she didn't charge us for) and found abnormal cells in the tumor. It has to be removed. OH MY GOD!!!! HOW MUCH IS THAT GOING TO COST? IS HE GOING TO DIE? HOLY APE SHIT BATMAN!!!!

9. My friend Tara just got back from Spain and was totally disturbed by the number of mullets. Do they not know those are gross now?

10. My face is breaking out like a friggin' teenager. Does God not know that I am already freaking out about the changes in my skin's elasticity, smoothness, and the changes in my body? I hate getting older. I know you are supposed to embrace it, but I have to say......FUCK THAT SHIT. I don't want to get old. I want to be hot. I want my boobs to not look like deflated friggin' balloons. I WANT TO BE HOT!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

11. I really need to get stitch, the sugar glider, a friend. I really worry about him getting depressed. Anyone have an extra one just gliding around?

12. I miss Texas. I really want some Taco Cabana and I want a damn Garden Ridge Pottery. I want to go home. I know this home sickness will pass. It always does, but tonight, I miss my brothers, my nieces, my Dad, my friends, My Grandmother......

13. Oh yeah, Tanner has given Ethan two really good bites. Ethan is bound and determined to torment the hell out of that poor dog and Tanner is trying to get his message of "back the hell off me asshole" message across. Dumb ass kids. Just kidding....Maybe!?!?!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Happy Belated Self Portrait Friday

Erik hosted Self Portrait Friday last week and I am late. I had to take a giant crap on my own lawn. Boy was my ass cold.

I decided to share pictures from the Steven and Emily's birthday last year in Texas.
Here they are patiently waiting for us to complete the birthday sarinade.

Here are Clint and I at the end of the birthday party. We are SO ready for the kids to go to bed.

Here I am after the kids went to bed playing a little Texas Hold 'em.

That's right baby. I won ALL the money.

Way Back Wednesday (really really late)

Okay, here are my drunky poo pictures I have been threatning to post for over a week now. Sorry MamaDuck it took me so damn long to get my shit together.

This would be a wild night of Kareokee!!!! Notice all the alcohol on the table? I am going to just take a wild guess that I probably puked this night. Talk about LOOKING drunk. My tongue is even hanging out of my mouth.

Now, on this night, there was genius at work. I discovered many other uses for the maxi pad. It is not only a disposable sweat band (stick on forehead before exercising), but it can also be a disposable bib. Of course, my favorite use would be the disposable house shoe.

Playing Catch Up

Today is catch up day. I had a GREAT weekend. So, since I wasn't on the computer all weekend, I will be posting twenty million posts today. Okay, maybe not twenty million posts, but.......

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Are You Going to Play?

Okay, Erik has posted the theme for Self Portarit Friday. Pop on over and tell him you are playing.

Everyone knows the punishment if Erik doesn't get your support. Yes, that's right. I will poop in your yard.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The Diagnosis Is In

Well, we came home with drogs. Lots and lots of drugs. We have decongetants, steroids, and antibiotics. Now, where are the sleeping pills. Not for me, for the KIDS. I just want to lay in bed for a few days and for some reason, it just ain't happenin'.

I really just want to be able to breath out of my right nostril. My nose is so stuffy, my lips are getting chapped from breathing through my damn mouth. Man, I would take a raging case of "ring o' fire" anyday.

"Doctor, Doctor!!!!!"

Please, give me some xanax. I need something to help me cope with these three sick kids. Yes, all three are still sick. This is the fifth day of three sick kids. I tried to get an appoinment, but apparently everybody's kids are sick. I am waiting for the doctor to call for a telephone consult. She will tell me whether or not we need to go ahead and pack up and head off to the emergency room. So, since I may be pretty damn busy with the delights of my life, I am passing of my responsibilties of self portrait friday to Erik!! Erik, you gotta help me man. We need a theme.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Time to Catch up.

1. He kids and I have all been sick for the last two days. Luckily Clint was home and was able to do the shopping, feeding, and babying.

2. I got my dose of paxill increased to 20mg. I really wish they would just give me an anti anxiety. When the need to drown young children begins creeping in, I can just pop a xanax. Then all is good.

3. I also got a prescription for some anti sweaty pit juice. The paxill has turned my pits into a sweaty swamp land. Luckily for there is a solution.

4. I am still planning on posting my drunk ass pictures for MamaDuck.

5. I am so ready for thanksgiving. I love turkey and ham sandwiches. Why do we usually only cook turkey for holidays? It is so divine.

6. My friend Mike leaves for Iraq in three weeks. To surreal.

7. Big brother has made it to Hawaii and hopefully Clint and I will be able to visit.

8. I really have to get stitch(sugar glider) a companion. I do not want him to be lonely, depressed, or die.

9. I brought my cocker spaniel, Tanner, home from Texas. He has adjusted perfectly. He is such a damn good dog.

10. I gotta turtle head peaking out....gotta gooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Saturday, November 05, 2005

"It's Christmas Time"

The twins came running into our room this morning with a pretty big announcemnet. "It's Christmas time." We explained that no, it was not.....go play. They told us it was snowing. We again told them no it isn't.....go play. Then Clint went to take his morning constitutional and saw this.

WELL, APPARENTLY WE ARE ONLY RIGHT 50% OF THE TIME!!!
It is not Christmas yet, but sure as shit it is snowing.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Self Portrait Friday

Oh yeah, I know you want to have three toddlers, live the military life, and of course stay at home everyday with very little adult interaction. Do not be jealous of this glamorous life I lead. If you choose to have such a daring, lovely life, you too can look like this.

This is me being pissed off because Ethan's bedroom window blew out in the wind storm. Notice the ass hair, the ass face, and the ass smelling cigarettes.

It looks like I am missing a friggin' tooth. What a hillbilly.
Other frustrated faces.....
Cat
Jana
Erik
Kris
Stacy
A Military Mom

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Not My Day for Blogging

So, I am just about to click on the "publish post" button and the power goes out. I had some great drunkee-drunk photos to share. That was going to be my contribution to Way Back Wednesday. Sorry TKW. Maybe I will get them up tonight.
We have had high winds here all day. This means no cable, no internet and well.......no DORA!!!!
I did see the bed liner to a truck blowing down the street, A three wheeler two snap in half, and of course just the entertainment of something different.

Well, I am back and so is Self Portrait Friday. Tomorrow, I want to see your "I am exhausted, leave me alone" look. I know everyone has one of those, paxill or not.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Trick or Treat

Here are the demons dressed up for Halloween. They took of their horns to get into their costumes.

Ethan had the candy gettin' thing figured out quickly. Go figure....the chunk likes candy. He ws the frog prince.

To continue along the fairy tale theme, Emily was a unicorn.

Steven was a dragon and acted as such.

Of course when we got home, we let each of them have one piece of candy and then sent them off to bed. Yes, you read that right. One piece of candy. We are mean parents and withold from our children for our own benefit. I have already eaten all the heath bars. They can eat all the tootsie rolls. they do not know the difference yet.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

What do you think?

I got my sidebar back up all by my lonesome. Well, of course Meritt pointed out where to start and Jenny jumped in to help. I got the stuff for the new layout from here. I think it looks so cute. Anyone have any suggestions of things to add or change? I took off a lot of the stuff because someone on blog explosion complained about the loading time. Dangit....you know I love all that crap. I will try to post pics of the new hairdo, kids halloween costumes, and of course make my rounds. Clint has to do school work. Dang, we really need a second computer.

Ah Shit

Okay, I am working on my thanksgiving fall layout. I deleted something, I am not sure what and now my sidebar keeps jumoing to the bottom. Someone tell me what I did.

Please

Lay Me Down On a Bed of Roses

On our way to San Antonio, the song "Bed of Roses", by Bon Jovi, came on. I teased Clint, telling him there better be rose petals on our bed when I come home. Now, fast forward to the trip home. I continued to tease him about the rose petals. When he told me there were none I told him he was an asshole (in jest of course, he is the farthest thing from an asshole). I also gave him a hard time about cleaning the house.

Well, when I got home, he had put away the 30 (exaggerating) loads of clean laundry I left behind and he finished and put away all the rest left undone. The kitchen was clean and the dishwasher emptied. The house (entire house) had been vacuumed. Then, I walked in our bedroom. Oh my god!!!! There were Hershey kisses all over the bed with a sweet note, a bottle of wine with two glasses, and a vase with flowers. What a good,good man. Needless to say, Daddy got a good deal in return (wink wink).