Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

Clint and I are sitting on the couch enjoying a nice quiet evening. We have put in a movie for the kids in their room and they are back there being so good, so quiet. Then we here what sounds like a herd of elephants coming down the hallway. The kids are all yelling " Spongebob got on Ethan's forehead". Out of the hallway appears Ethan. Clint's first response "What the hell have ya'll been doing?" Ethan quickly replied, "It wasn't me it was Steven." To which Steven promptly began his defense,"It was an accident!" Oh come on....an accident my ass. I jumped in and began my counter bullshit operation. "An accident? What happened? You just fell down with a marker in your hand and accidentally drew spongebob on your brother's head?" At this point I would like to tell those of you who have no children or have only infants that sarcasm is lost on children at this age. They will take your sarcasm and twist it to suit the...

I got an e-mail about a week ago asking me to check out a new website. It was just getting up and running. I headed on over and have not stopped playing with it. It is a one stop photo shop . It takes your photos and puts them into professional looking slide shows. I mean super it is so super cute. The best part, you can e-mail them to Grandmother afterwards. This is of course great for computer dummies like me. You have to check it out. It is completely free until June. They will soon be adding tons of extras and a store where you can upload your photos for the slide shows and then order gifts and prints. Pretty cool if you ask me. If you like it, please let me know. I decided I would start sharing all my cool Internet finds with people I know. If you are not interested, let me know that too.

My dearest four year old son was laying quietly watching TV and apparently handling his man parts. He suddenly spoke up in a not so manly voice (he is four you know), saying "My penis is broken". I looked over and the kid's boy part was ta full attention. I tried to explain, without peeing my pants from laughter, that it was normal and it would happen more. He told me he should probably see the doctor. I wonder if his concern is because little brother had to get his penis looked at? Does this mean he is going to be an exhibitionist or a hypochondriac. And I wonder why I am medicated.

I have this gross habit. I am pretty sure it was inherited from my mother. I can remember seeing her do the same thing. It is gross. I warn you now so if you have a sensitive gag reflex, find that x up in the right hand corner and hit it. I clean out under my nails with my mouth. Yes that's right, that food that gets under there is just a little entertaining snack for later. I know you are wondering where I am going with this, well....... It was a beautiful day out. Clint had just gotten home from work and we decided to take the kids outside to burn off some energy. I took them out while he got a cold beer and some cheese. I was sitting on the bench and noticed a little something under my nail. I went to clean it out with my mouth and just as I got close to my mouth noticed a faint smell of poop. That's right, I had poop under my nails. Apparently when I wiped Emily's butt for her, just before we headed out, I got her shit under my nail. OH MY GOD, I ALMOST ATE HER POOP. I ...

While I was in Texas staying with Tara, I made up my mind that when we have the money I am going to get a boob job. Tara and I started the research and spent quite a bit of time looking at before boobs and after boobs. One night, Ethan came in after we had already moved on to the link that read "labia plasty ". Come on, you know you would look too. Anyways, the little guy comes wondering in, still in a half sleeping state, until he saw a before labia picture on the screen. Oh, his attention was caught. He immediately wanted to know what it was Aunt Tara and I were looking at. Always being the straight forward parent, Tara followed my lead and told him at was labia. Ethan's response? " EWWWWWW Wabia is diskustin ' " Tara and I laughed so hard. If he only knew his thoughts would change when he gets older. After clicking on the after picture and seeing what appeared to be a lovely pink, symmetrical set of labia, Ethan responded with " MMMMMM I wanna eat...

We have been waiting for a consult for Ethan to see a urologist. Apparently when they did his little circumcision, the poor boys pee pee hole ended up a little more to the top then the tip. Let me tell you what this means. It means when he is holding his wee little dumpling straight down at the toilet, that the entire bathroom gets a coating of piss. Yes, that's right.....he sprays up. I am going to have to buy stock in Clorox clean up wipes if they do not get his problem fixed soon. The little guy tries so hard to compensate by twisting and contorting his future favorite thing. When Clint got home from Iraq and saw our newly potty trained man trying to position his pal so the pee hit the water, Clint's first impression was the guy was abusing himself. Clint, being the owner of a penis himself pointed out the problem. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that the Army fixes this soon.

and then I got this: One More last question.........WHY do you feel the need for Susan (She is my Aunt and my Grandmother's daughter and has a right to know anything about a woman so openly taking advantage of her family, plus you have now become entertainment) to read my emails? Just a little curious. OMG ......You really have taken this a little too far. Since I got to read all the emails again....show me one bad thing I said about Tara. I am Honestly thru with all of this, this is rediculous . You have really lost your mind!! Someone speaks their mind to you, and you get all crazy, and I am the one who needs help???? You might wanna step back and take a look in the mirror Katy. I guess the phrase "The Truth Hurts" is VERY TRUE!!! So, I think this may be the last post about my Dad's wife for awhile. Well, I am keeping my fingers crossed. She has moved on to my poor sister-in-law. Jill Army is too nice too ever reject anyone so when she called me and told ...

So we left off last time with the fact that I had called my Dad and read him the riot act about his wife and I had still not responded to any of her craziness. Then I got this: Katy, I don't understand why you went off on your dad.....he wasn't the one who wrote you...I was. I guess I should have kept my fucking mouth shut....and why is it everytime you get pissed at me, you bring up me not working? U h because you are a grown woman with children in school mooching off my grandmother and sitting on your ass while you watch my father kill himself trying to work two jobs Why is that such an issue with you? You don't work...does anyone rag you about it? and the rent...is that your business...no...that is between Grandmother and your dad.....its not your business!! Did you pay rent to Tara while you were here...who the fuck cares...its nobody's business, but yours and Tara's!! It sure was ok for me not to be working when you needed a babysitter....and have you ever ...